“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone
What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn’t mean I’m over ‘cause you’re gone.”
- Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson
To all the people who’ve broken my heart:-
At the time I didn’t think I’d be capable of writing this. I felt like each heartbreak was killing a little piece of me that I couldn’t get back. I remember someone telling me that after pain passes, only beauty remains, but I thought they were being incredibly optimistic and naive. I thought they were immune to the kind of pain I was going through. Now I know that I was the one in the wrong and I couldn’t be happier about it.
Now when I listen to Ariana Grande singing ‘thank u, next’, I completely understand what she’s getting at. Each and every person who tore me down also taught me to build myself back up to become the person that I am today. I’m not saying that what they did was right. They were horrible to me and no one should be treated that way. What I’m doing is making sure that the pain of their departure isn’t my defining characteristic. When they left my life, I was able to use that time to find myself.
Sometimes, it is easier to stay with a toxic person rather than be alone with your own thoughts. Of course, the former will only cause you more pain in the long run and I’ve learned that the hard way. Luckily, I also found beautiful people who helped me through it all and now I’m much stronger than I ever thought I could be.
When I talk about heartbreak, I don’t just mean the romantic kind. In life, you’ll come across a lot of people who will betray you. It can be anyone from a childhood friend to a family member to a partner. If you care for someone and you place your trust in them, you’re making yourself vulnerable to them. This can be both beautiful and traumatic. Some will repay your love with their own and others will return your heart to you so damaged that you won’t recognize it.
What I have learned from these people is this – time heals but only if you let it. Some say that you need to love yourself first before other people can love you. That is patently untrue. To get past this pain you do need to love yourself. But the people who love you will love you even with all the scars and ugliness.
I’ve understood that I shouldn’t push away the people who truly care. And more than that, I’ve understood that I am important. I’ve understood that I am a complete person on my own and that that person is worthy of all the love in the world. When you left me in tatters, I put myself back together and now I marvel at what I see in the mirror. I am beautiful and I am whole. I am enough.
Now I know that I deserve all that is good in the world. When I first heard your taunts and cruel words, I thought I was only getting what was coming to me. I accepted them and played them over and over in my head till they blocked out everything good in my life. But I’ve come to see that those words you spoke said more about you than about me. I realize that you did not care for me once I was no longer useful to you. I refuse to give you the kind of power over me that allows you to cause me pain.
We only get this one life and I have decided to use it to make myself as happy as possible. I’ll do this by being myself and by loving myself every hour of every day that I’m alive. The pressure of the burden you put on me has turned me into a glorious diamond. I know that I am precious. I know that I deserve better. And so, thank you!
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