Moving on can be painful. It’s an event that we hope never happens to anyone but it’s out of our control. We know we have to somehow gather the strength to move forward but we are helpless. Even if we try, we fail to stop living in the past. We just keep holding onto the last straws of hope, believing that some miracle will bring everything back again. That we will wake up from this bad dream and be greeted with our partner’s love-filled kiss. But the dream never ends, and we are left with the difficult task of accepting and moving on. Here are some of the ways in which you can move ahead from the last chapter of your relationship:
1. Acknowledging Your Feelings
There could be nothing worse than when you are feeling the brunt of a break up. You are hurt, angry, broken, sad, and sorry – there is a flux of emotions passing through you and you do not know which one you should be ‘feeling’. We tend to suppress our emotions because that’s the easy way out, but suppressing our emotions does not help. It is unhealthy and it just makes us feel like a huge lump is settled in our heart. Acknowledge that you are vulnerable, that you are weak and broken at this moment. Acknowledge that the feelings are real and however painful it might be, you have to feel it.
2. Reducing Your Contact
Breaking contact with your ex is not easy. Your ex knows you inside out – they accept you for who you are and they know every bit of you. Such a level of acceptance cannot be just shunned away and it will be a part of you always and you will not be able to break completely from it. But becoming friends with your ex immediately is a bad idea, you need to heal first. Recovery is a painful and long process, and the worst part is, you have to do it alone. So, tell your ex that you need to cut contact with them for some time and start to heal.
3. Not Letting Your Past Control You
Your past had been a wonderful period, once upon a time. It has been like a fantasy movie but now it seems like a harsh reality has hit you. You are angry about the past – you are sorry about it. A part of you is blaming you for everything that has happened. Silence that inner critic which continues to put you down. Yes, the past has happened and you cannot change anything about it. But try to bring yourself at peace with the past. Don’t let it haunt you. Acknowledge that it has happened and that it was a great time. No one was to blame and you enjoyed it while it lasted. There was nothing wrong with it.
4. Imagining A Different Life
Sometimes, we start to fantasize our life in a different way. We believe that if something would have been different, then everything would have changed. After the breakup, we start to imagine a life where something like this never happened. The more we indulge in fantasies, the more we hurt ourselves. We start to believe that things could have been different and now, all the opportunities are lost. It just becomes another weight on our minds.
If you are feeling really low and you think that you can’t handle all the emotions on your own, then it’s time for you to go out and talk to your friends. Choose a trusted person and pour out all your emotions to them. Make sure that your friend is a good friend whom you can trust. If all else fails, you can always visit a counsellor who will help you to understand your feelings that will help you to move on.
6. Love Yourself
When you are broken, it is quite natural that you end up hating yourself. You feel like you do not deserve any kind of love and so, it did not work out. Blaming ourselves and becoming negative about our role in a relationship is quite common. We often try to find some reason for the breakup and when we fail to find any, we put the blame on ourselves. It’s easier but it is more hurtful. Start loving yourself and understand that you are deserving of love and because one thing did not work out does not mean that others won’t. Plus, nobody needs your love more than yourself especially during this period. So, love yourself completely, with all your broken pieces.
7. Moving On
Finally, you have to gather the courage to move on. You have to understand that life is like a river and we are supposed to flow on. The past has gone by and we can do nothing about it, but the future is completely left to us. Living in the past won’t help us in any way. So, gather the courage and start walking forward. Start moving on with your pain and grow! Breakups are painful but if we take the process of moving on as a process of growth then nothing can stop us. We just need to believe ourselves and trust that we can do it.
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